{"title":"Socialism™","description":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome our guest brand: Socialism™.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSocialismInc.com\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"socialism™-share-the-love-heavy-cotton-tee","title":"Socialism™ - Share the Love - Heavy Cotton Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eSocialism™ thanks Existential Garnish for this guest brand spot on its greedy, selfish, free-market-capitalist website. For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a Socialism™ t-shirt. Its design states: Share the Love. And Everything Else You Used to Own. Surely the youngsters (and others who should know better) clamoring for the loving caring and sharing of Socialism™ are equally excited to share their own stuff as well. Collective ownership of everything includes YOUR things, but we're sure you thought all this through. Can't wait to share the hap, hap, happy future with you!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the design available on this product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. The collective has spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, some brief but necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA sturdy heavy cotton tee — medium-weight 100% cotton with a classic relaxed fit and crew neckline. 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For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a Socialism™ t-shirt. Its design states: Not Responsible for Lost and Stolen Items (with the \"Not\" crossed out). We, being Socialism™ itself, have always had a problem with those cover-your-butt signs at coat checks and similar spots that claim no responsibility for pilfered stuff. We say: revel in it! Dang straight we take stuff—Socialism™ takes ALL the stuff. And makes it everybody's stuff. And kind of nobody's stuff at the same time. In other words: Ownership? That ship has sailed. To the youngsters (and others who should know better) who clamored for Socialism™ but expected to retain the glorious gadgets and gains of capitalism ... sorry. Just think of it as extra bodacious extreme sharing, homies.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the design available on this product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. 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For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a Socialism™ t-shirt. Its design states: Free Yourself from the Hassle of Owning Your Own Stuff. Socialism™ is proud to help the youngsters (and others who should know better) understand the wonders of a collectivist economy and the kumbaya vibes of sharing, caring and—oh, yeah—lots and lots more intensive, mandated sharing. Like everything. Like totally, dudes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the design available on this product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. The collective has spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, some brief but necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA sturdy heavy cotton tee — medium-weight 100% cotton with a classic relaxed fit and crew neckline. 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For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis Socialism™ t-shirt design shows the official tagline of Socialism™: So Fair It Hurts. And, boy, Socialism™ really delivers the fairest fairness that the youngsters (and others who should know better) are clamoring for. Fairness so fair that everything delivered by a collectivist economic system, not driven by a greedy selfish profit motive, is just that: fair. At best. Convenience? Invention? Technological, medical, societal breakthroughs? What do those have to do with basic utility—the central goal and \"aspiration\" of a Socialist system. Enjoy!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the design available on this product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. The collective has spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, a brief bout of necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, some brief but necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA sturdy heavy cotton tee — medium-weight 100% cotton with a classic relaxed fit and crew neckline. 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For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a Socialism™ t-shirt that states on the front: Socialism™ A Cornucopia of Dozens of Choices. Because hasn't Greedy, Selfish, Free-Market Capitalism really messed things up with all of its nearly limitless options at almost every price point for practically anything anyone could ever want, including amazing advances in technology and medicine and standards of living that would have been unimaginable before the Industrial Revolution? Who needs that jive! So overwhelming and confusing! Luckily, we at Socialism™ offer another option. No, seriously. In some cases all you get is one option. Because Socialism™ is all about what's good for The Collective. You know, all of us, sharing and caring, and just producing the necessities. Isn't that the extreme equality and fairness that the youngsters (and others who should know better) are clamoring for? So when Socialism™ arrives, we're sure those same folks will be cool with grocery shelves that used to be teaming with a cornucopia of profit-motive-produced abundance and are now faced with (not a cereal aisle but) \u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ea\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e box of cereal. Gluten-free? Low-sugar? New flavor? No, cog in The Collective. You get \u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ethe\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e Socialism™ Cereal. Now move on to get \u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ethe\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e Socialism™ can of coffee. Ain't utilitarianism in the name of mandated equity amazing? Cuts down shopping time to like next to nothing!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the design available on this product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. 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For more information: SocialismInc.com.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis Socialism™ t-shirt design says: Socialism™ Weaponizing Envy Since 1848. Yeah! We at Socialism™ like to think we put a little oomph behind the idea the ol' zero sum game. That guy's got more than me therefore I must have less because of him. Powerful stuff. Dubious at best, but back in 1848 we ran with it anyway. Fast forward to today and we've got a growing number of youngsters (and others who should know better) who are actually for building an economic system around it. Who are we, Socialism™ itself, to argue?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the t-shirt design available on this clothing product as determined by the collective, and these are the prices required to sustain the collective. The collective has spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, a brief bout of necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now, some brief but necessary capitalist groveling about this product:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA sturdy heavy cotton tee — medium-weight 100% cotton with a classic relaxed fit and crew neckline. The print stays sharp and the colors hold wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbout the tee:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMedium-weight 5.3 oz\/yd² fabric, 100% cotton made with ethically grown US cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic fit with a crew neckline for comfortable, relaxed wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTear-away label — no itchy neck tag\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSeamless body with reinforced shoulders keeps its shape wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIndependently certified free from harmful substances\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeads up: the white version may look slightly off-white rather than bright white\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMade to order — please allow about 2 weeks for delivery\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Socialism","offers":[{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":47642296254636,"sku":"64351581096911702086","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":47642296287404,"sku":"42488790565005135903","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":47642296320172,"sku":"66223709583776785861","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":47642296352940,"sku":"33727916027857719478","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":47642296385708,"sku":"27065434574062517461","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":47642296418476,"sku":"13660612500100766426","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":47642296451244,"sku":"89563041032294478623","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":47642296484012,"sku":"11923865751149036818","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":47642296516780,"sku":"30624535651469080319","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":47642296549548,"sku":"14983724914434904221","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ White","offer_id":47642296582316,"sku":"22544237483068236144","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Black","offer_id":47642296615084,"sku":"26895946976900041313","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ White","offer_id":47642296647852,"sku":"32680309934840582331","price":37.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Black","offer_id":47642296680620,"sku":"27781136933137996243","price":37.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ White","offer_id":47642296713388,"sku":"15137266070802808165","price":38.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Black","offer_id":47642296746156,"sku":"19313528054054426836","price":38.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0642\/0126\/1228\/files\/1003155055388111448_2048.jpg?v=1792248251"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0642\/0126\/1228\/collections\/socialism-logo.jpg?v=1792246302","url":"https:\/\/existentialgarnish.com\/collections\/socialism.oembed","provider":"Existential Garnish","version":"1.0","type":"link"}